Dude, we have the same penis size. Best friends for life.
sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
This bitch goes out driving during the nor'easter to get her ass eaten.. that’s dedication
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Randomize
