i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
Have introduced beer-pong to my work's Tuesday lunches.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
Drake has all the answers
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
