I'll bet she douches with gravy.
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
Just found out that I was singing john legend songs as I threw up last night. Quality.
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
look. either you want to have late night naked sleep overs or you don't. do not involve dinner and extraneous conversations in this relationship.
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
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