I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
I'm hoping you can explain why I woke up with what I believe is pumpkin pie all over my body
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
Randomize
