You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
