ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Why dose there have to be another girl there for you to do this?
its hotter. Way hotter.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
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