I woke up at 7am naked in my bathtub with the shower running. My apartment was so full of steam that my ceiling was dripping. Who thought it would be okay for me to get my own place, anyway?
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
The date went significantly better after the fifth shot of fireball.
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
the girl who hid my weed when the cops came has a birthday coming up. i feel like i should get her something.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
