you didnt say anything until i brought it up today. i guess i misjudged your maturity.
I guess I misjudged your gender.
Dude I need help. What word is complimentary, but sounds like "chunky"?
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I was convinced to buy a man thong.
But it's Armani so it's okay.
God I just out gayed myself.
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just stuck all that extra cocaine money we made in a savings account...like a responsible adult..
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
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