she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
