2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I came over to get dick...not to watch you vacuum....at 2 AM
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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