the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
