Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
we made malted milkshakes. malt as in malt liqour.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
Definitely had a dick in my ass while watching the Seahawks win. Best NFC Championship game ever.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Randomize
