I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
Thanks for the viagra you gave me last night. I ended up getting called in to work to cover a shift. So I had to tell Kayla that I couldn't hang out and I had to try and hide my dick all night while walking serving people food all night.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
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