the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
Just checked in with my friend who walked in on us. He thinks you two had a spiritual connection and he's bugging out
He was also rolling face on molly so his perception of divinity might be slightly off
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
My vape juice got mixed up with the astroglide.
Wow..I bet that tasted bad.
Not tasted.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Rich men love me! I remind them of their trophy wife!!!
Randomize
