I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I'm so baked, I spent the last hour trying to screencapture the cracks on my phone.
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
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