The more I sober up, the more sick I am/realize how weird dancing around a wine bottle was
You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Randomize
