It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
You were sitting on the filthy kitchen floor eating a packet of grated cheese, and you were crying because you couldn't find any cheese.. I'd say our party was a success.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
I didn't know he had a girlfriend until after we had sex when he said, "Man I really gotta stop cheating on my girlfriend."
So your best guy friend eats your pussy once and a while, no big deal. It's like going to jiffy lube once and a while to let the professionals do it. Your husband should understand .
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
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