my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
There was a group of girls next to us. One was smiling at me. I only remember walking up and saying "oh you're Russian". Not sure where it went from there
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
Randomize
