we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
Be happy for me... Or horny... Or be a really good friend and feel what I want you to feel. Jealousy
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
