I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Just so you know, this text is a buffer between the two guys I'm sexting. Can't get that shit messed up.
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Randomize
