I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
We just shotgunned beers for America
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
But I am still fully ok with my life choices as long as the consequences aren't onesies and pacifiers
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
He sent me a flaccid dick pic from the bathroom at the bar and he said I'm sorry it's not all hard and good looking. Props to him - I did ask for a pic.
Randomize
