Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Not now. Out of camp chairs. Carving a new one with a chainsaw. Mushrooms are starting to kick and I gotta get this done NOW.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I'm currently hiding from this horrific thing that we call adulthood. If anyone needs me, I'll be smoking a bowl in the bouncy house.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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