Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
I wonder if all of the nights I blacked out will be revealed to me when I die. Have you ever thought about that?
i just farted in a meeting....took me completely by surprise.
so you made the shocked face and they caught you.
yup.
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
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