there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
We passed out in his car so I had to find a way to inconspiciously make my walk of shame back inside to go get my shit. To make things more difficult I had no pants and the whole neighborhood was awake
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
If you take a post shower shit just get back in bed. You're better off starting your whole morning all over again.
the liver wants what the liver wants
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
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