Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
She called herself a train and then took off all her clothing. I forget everything after that.
I saw you two flinging Jello at the sidewalk if that helps jog your memory.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Went from beach to class to bar all while wearing my swimsuit as pants. Clearly I'm dressed for success.
why are all my papers due the day after my potential hangover
I believe I won the Golden Vodka Bottle of sadness last night for crying while being party boyed.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
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