I wish I only lived at night.
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Just because it's been in my vagina doesn't mean it's important to me
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
The way I see it, everyone on campus has a fake, but I'm the only person who actually makes beer in their dorm.
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
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