using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
i just googled coccaine effects on sexual performance..maybe im dating the wrong guy
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
