i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
Holy shit, I wanna ride him into the horizon.
Everyone thinks I'm sleeping but I'm actually just melting.
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Last night I crashed my housemates tinderdate, smoked his weed and then left. He felt too awkward to say no.#Empowerment
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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