Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Did you know you could bring s cooler of beer to the nail salon?
Soooo how am i supposed to explain to my mom that i was admitted to the hospital but you kidnapped me within 20 minutes?
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
we're like the harlem globetrotters of underage drinking
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I am a bad person
You slept with him. Was it good?
I wasnt going to but I was too lazy to blow up the air mattress
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
