Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
we've been at disney 20 seconds and she already got the cops called over
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I mean, keeping the tube socks on AND taking cell phone pictures that he didn't ask for during sex? that's two strikes kiddo.
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
I threw up in my closet when I was hammered last night. Like a fucking toddler. I can't play with the grow ups.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
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