I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
We just set the fire alarm off with a fog machine. What's my first instinct? Finish my drink. I think I handled that correctly.
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Randomize
