Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
There's always one sober annoying person at a party. I hate responsible people. I just wanted to show everyone my nipples. There cute. She didn't have to stop me
I feel so much better about my break up knowing that he's having his 26th birthday at Rollar kingdom\n
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
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