I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
she called for a booty call so i sent mike as my stunt double
No, I don't not want an upside down piggyback ride. You're drunk and there are rocks.
i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
My gynecologist got a full view of the obviously bite marked shaped bruises on my thighs. I just kept talking about work and hoped she wouldn't judge me.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
I'm so drunk. Liken realign drink
Like really drunk?
Or did you enjoy repositioning your drink?
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
