I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
i crunched every chip from the dorito bag and poured it in the vase. never again will i have to deal with cool ranch fingers.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
my night ended in me puking all over jenna's bed, then me trying to wash the sheets in the toilet.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Sunburned by dick at the nude beach. Bad. She tried to blow me. But. I. Just. Can't. Saddest day of my life.
Randomize
