Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
