Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
what is it with giant penises always finding me
heres the thing, we have 120 cans of beer left in the fridge. until thats finished we cant fit food in the fridge
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
But I mean, have you ever just LOOKED at how majestic penises are? They are like ivory columns of pure wonder!
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
