I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
Dude just bought condoms some sad fuck next to me buying a pregnancy test he gave me a look like he'd pay me millions to switch places
She asked me how I live with myself. I told her one night at a time.
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Dude, on the way home the cab driver asked why you didn't bring a guy home and referred to you as "one night stand girl"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
