shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
When you start lapping your martini like a cat it's time to go home. Partys over.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
