dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
he asked me to put his condom on because he couldn't see without his glasses
You decided to make a porno with gummy bears and things went downhill from there.
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
the only reason you beat me in fntsy this week is bc you wouldnt bail me outa jail in time to set my roster you dick
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I don't get hangovers. Except once. And there is a massively epic story behind that, involving so much alcohol I should have died, and 13 raw hotdogs.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Dashing through the vodka, in a tinder swiping rage, all the fuck boys get a no, laughing all the way.
Randomize
