I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
These cutoffs are too tight but my ass looks like Freedom
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
My ex boyfriend just amazon primed me a vibrator...guess I seemed stressed?
Randomize
