he confessed his love for me, threw up on my pillow and then fell asleep on said pillow. i met him last night.
better than last weekend. things are really looking up for you.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
We started making out, then he decided to get naked, put on a condom, and proceed to dry hump my leg, sweat pants and all, until he blew his load. I thought this was college. I immediatly left claiming I can't sleep in other people's rooms. He didn't even bother taking off my hoodie.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Even her dad came up for the body shots. Wasn't sure what to do so I just laid there and let it happen...
What if I told you that I had 160 ounces of cheap malt liquor in my backpack? Espn films 40 for 40s presents: Edward 40 hands. Our room. 11PM/10 central
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Good morning! Or after noon. Sorry for falling asleep in you
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
Randomize
