But, I don't have the body of a porn star, so nobody would hire me. Unless they're doing like a trip to the safari and they need an albino rhino
Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
he had a Pillsbury dough boy tattoo to remind him of his drug dealing days
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
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