I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
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