I just saw a hot homeless man
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
He always takes home straight guys. He plays One Night Stand on Ledgendary Mode
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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