shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
I convinced her san diego was a state. all the proof I needed was saying, why do they call it san diego state university?
Confirm for me that it's be a bad idea to sleep with the 50 year old that's currently hitting on me?
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
Omg this is like trying to sleep on a pile of ballsacks.
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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