Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Spent 200 bucks on a stripper for a good night hug. I give up.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
She turned down sex for beer pong. I'm not sure if I should be disappointed or not.
Randomize
