you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
I WALKED myself out of breath. And I'm lost I'm a Tim Hortons parking lot. That's how hungover I am.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
