Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
I finally fell asleep and like an hour later he wakes me up and says "I've always to be woken up w a blowjob." Um, that's not how it works asshole.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Dude. All I know is that I woke up on the floor with two naked chicks who don't speak English.
Clutch
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
I shaved my asshole for this. That's real dedication.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
