there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
getting your period on valentines day is like an extra little fuck you, now you REALLY have no chance of sex tonight.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
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