Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
