Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
when it says do not use on the face or genital areas, it MEANS do not use on the face or genital areas.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize