Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
