can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
I never thought I'd say this, but there is a life threatening amount of rumpleminz in our freezer
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
Randomize
