Just fell off a train. Bad.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
screw that ipod for my birthday.. i just want a weed brownie the size of my face. that's all.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
Definitely got a blow job in Charles Schwab's bed last night.
I love my job.
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
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