we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
At 4am he sent "uree asss ize anmazin"
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
