It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Your car is in front of my house. Keys are in the mailbox. There is a fire hydrant in your trunk. Happy Birthday
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I had sex upstairs in my parents house, and my mom texted me and said "those raccoons are out of control in the walls."
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Randomize