I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
