Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
Spent 38 bucks on dollar wells last night. I'm pretty sure my liver is staging a mutiny right now.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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