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so that wasnt chicken after all
is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
if only i could text you this smell
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
