It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize