Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
You remember correctly you did get a golf cart ride out but it wasnt because you were special. You were so smashed you were screaming tiger at random golfers in the middle of there backswing.
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
