Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
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