Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
It's not normal to lose a tooth eating a McDouble.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I don't know how we managed to stay up but we actually sat in front of her open refrigerator for god knows how long while she ate salami straight out of the package with her fingers and I laughed. It was a trainwreck.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I'm just gonna put on a documentary and throw up
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
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