i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
I AM TEN TEQUIA SHOOTS ON AND I JUST SAW SOMEONE DO A BODY SHOT OFFF OF JESUS
THIS FEELS SO WROG AND OH SO RIGHT
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
