I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
We literaly had to peel your fingers off the jose cuervo bottle and lock it in someones room
I ended up with a gash in my head from drunken dancing last night. I love life.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Do me a favor. Next time I think it's a good idea to take pulls from the handle, yell "FALCON PUNCH" and uppercut me in the taint. My future liver thanks you.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Just bought plan b at 8am. Then the cashier asked if I wanted to donate to the children's miracle network. Fml
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