at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
If you find my purse on your yacht please call me - girl you slept with after yacht party
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
We were drunk waiting for tacos and I gave him a handy in the back of the Uber while giving the driver relationship advice. I think I'm handling the whole grad school thing alright.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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