Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
party started at 10. cops are coming to shut us down now and its 11. i already lostmy underwear and im wearing a sparkly thong on my haed. this has to be some kinda record.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
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