The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
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