Youre a pretentious asshole and im not sure who you think you are. Get the hell over yourself and the self righteous culture snob image because its pretty obnoxious.
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
Im rethinking drunk tuesdays. Also rethinking ovaries.
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
