i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
Randomize
