ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
He said that I looked like a "ghost had crawled up into my vagina and died"..so yeah, I'd say the hangover was noticeable.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
Ok fell asleep on a bus in south Carolina just woke up in Canada where the hell is the liquor store from here?!
Randomize
