That was a long time ago. She needed the money.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Believe it or not, that's part of the whole 'best friend' thing. It's not just yelling at me for making you leave the club early or taking the couch bc I'm doing sex while you're doing bjs.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
I'm a hopeless romantic that likes rough sex. Judge me
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
the next morning we realized we didnt speak the same language... guess i subconsciously did learn a little german last semester. thanks study abroad.
ah the experiences a semester in Vienna can give you. Frau would enjoy knowing that even while sleeping during class you still managed to learn enough german to get laid
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
And then there was cum in my hair and he was making beans.
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
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